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An Intervention for Dr. Drew

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Dr. Drew we aren't friends or even acquaintences. Hell, over the years I've become someone who would label your work and existence as "douchey". From Celebrity Rehab to your "news" show on CNN Headline News, you have become what I call the Jerry Springer of medical news pundits. Whether its thisor thisor this, or this. Jesus you get my point.


But this distraction news is nothing compared to the recent finding that you were paid off:


The government alleges that Pinsky was paid a total of $275,000 over just two months – March and April 1999 – to deliver messages about Wellbutrin SR, a Glaxo antidepressant, β€œin settings where it did not appear that Dr. Pinsky was speaking for GSK(Glaxo Smith Kline).”


Drew, Drew, Drew. You used your spotlight as a means to promote an anti depressant for money. Dr. Drew, as a practicing doctor you promoted Wellbutrin as having fewer sexual side effects as other anti depressants despite the FDA not giving approval to make those claims. May I ask, was your chief resident that taught you the guy who sells Oxy Clean?


Please don't leave, I'm sorry for getting off track here Dr. Drew. Put your GSK branded laptop case down and listen a moment. Its for your own good.


You have an addiction Dr. Drew. An addiction to being a douche shill. You treat addiction all the time on your show, or at least try to appear like you are. I'm sorry getting off track again.


What I'm trying to say is you know the signs. At first it seems to benefit you. In your case the addiction made you extremely famous and gobs of cash. People even grew to become comfortable with you and trust your Medical insights, earning you even more money and recognition.


It all seems great, but eventually you begin to want more. You start obsessing about further exposure and recognition and the effect is you try to chase it. Instead of talking about valid health issues the focus becomes about how you can expand your brand as a medical pundit. It starts off innocent with some panels about addiction. Then it moves to panels about Lindsey Lohan and how she exhibits all the tell tale signs of an addict, even though you have never met her before. Then you hit bottom by creating a Celebrity Rehab show where you pay celebrities to be a part of your rehab program.


Its time that you make a change in your life. To admit you have a problem and to get your moral compass back on track. The only way you are going to come out of this is by doing the following:


- Admit you are a sniveling fame whore: An important part of the rehab process is to first admit you have a problem. So Dr. Drew confess that you have an uncontrollable need for attention and that this need is making you into an insufferable hack.

- Quit the Medical Profession: Dr. Drew, when is the last time you helped anyone? I know you gave those celebrities on your rehab show money to further fuel their drug habits, but I think that likely hurt more than helped them. Also, after this Wellbutrin debacle you have lost any credibility as a medical professional anyways. So, just quit because you are doing more harm to the public than good. 

- Move out of LA: In rehab they usually say that you need to leave your social circle to successfully handle whichever addiction you have created for yourself. Los Angeles is the epicenter of vapid, soulless, fame culture. You know, all the things you can't get enough of. Move somewhere that the media completely ignores. How about Detroit?

- Grow a mustache: No one with a mustache has been successful in the media since Burt Reynolds in the 90's. This will kill any chance of the media paying attention to you as you will be too stupid looking to be on published or televised.


If you do these things, I know you can become someone that I don't have the urge to throw a brick at. If you don't take this wonderful advice though, I will need to cut you off from my life and continue to consider you a soulless douche bag. Your existence will cease to be in my opinion. 


So, will you take this chance to maintain a shred of dignity? Wait, Dr. Drew don't leave the intervention. Please! 


Oh were probably a lost cause anyways.